


Snakeoil

by pythealien



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst and Humor, Autistic Aziraphale (Good Omens), Beetlejuice References, Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Eventual Romance, Gen, Halloween, M/M, Mild Gore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, They/Them Pronouns for Aziraphale (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pythealien/pseuds/pythealien
Summary: What happens when you befriend a few ghosts in a house you never wanted to be in the first place? What happens when you have to save them from being harmed? What happens when you fall in love with one of them?This is a Beetlejuice AU for Good Omens. This has been a work in progress for the last month or so. I hope you guys enjoy it!
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 19





	1. October 1st, 1989

**A** tan Dodge Ram van came to a slow stop in front of a menacingly large house at the crack of dawn, its engine sputtering to a trembling stop after a few minutes. Its driver climbed out and slammed the door aggressively, causing the luggage tied on the top of the van to shake and giving the passengers an abrupt wake up call.

He twirled the key around his index finger as he stood outside into the freezing air to get a fine look of the house. The atmosphere was still and quiet, giving a ominously relaxing tone. One could make a guess that the house itself was built in the 1800s, which could very well be false. You didn't need to guess that the house was abandoned for quite some time. 

It's no secret that houses with an unfortunate backstory, such as their owners passing unexpectedly doesn't go well in the market. The fact it was a long drive away from town and its only neighbors were trees didn't help its case, neither. That didn't matter to the driver when he initially bought the house. "This building is a gold mine just waiting to be discovered," he told the seller in the office with big sparkling eyes. "You just have to brush off the dirt and grime to see it."

One of the passengers jolted awake. Their makeshift face cover of a ghosthunters manual fell to the ground as they sat upright. They rubbed the sleep away from their pale blue eyes before they heard the driver gently knock at their window. They rolled the window down with a slight eyeroll as they were greeted with a bright grin that wasn't quite there. "Rise and shine, sunshine!" 

The passenger leaned their head back with an annoyed sigh. The driver just ruffled their white curls to help wake them up. "We're here! Hey, here's a challenge, let's get our stuff inside in the next…" He looked at his wristwatch. "Two hours, huh?" The passenger placed a bookmark in a random place as the driver walked away. 

They got out of the car, standing next to the driver in front of the house, looking at the windows. They saw something at the corner of their eyes as if someone was staring back at them in one of the rooms. That thought was thrown away when the driver leaned against his pudgy companion. "She's a beauty, isn't she?" The driver looked at the building's features. "I guess so," they weren't that impressed in the slightest.

The driver's smile wavered a bit as he looked at his tired companion, scoffing. "Don't be such a Debbie Downer, Aziraphale." He shook his head as he kicked some old leaves in front of the door. Two snaps made the door open for him as he walked in and closed behind his feet in a quick manner. Aziraphale pouted, crossing their arms. "I already hate this house," they scowled.

"Listen, I don't want to be in this house either." The other passenger walked up to the annoyed Aziraphale, picking at her nails. She glanced at the house, sighing. "Then, why did you agree with Gabriel to come here?" Their eyebrows furrowed, looking at their companion. "I didn't," She shook her head. "But, it probably has ghosts. We are a ghosthunting business. You connect the dots." 

Aziraphale blinked, looking back at the house. "Let's just make the most of it, hmm?" She gave them a pat on the back before snapping her fingers once to open the door for her, not even bothering to close the door behind her. Aziraphale took it as a hint to follow her trail, walking inside the house like a dog with its tail tucked into its legs.

  
  
  


Aziraphale had to hold in a sneeze as they walked into the house. They weren't fond of the caked up cobwebs and dust on the walls and left behind furniture. The floorboards beneath their feet was groaning under the sudden pressure. The atmosphere had a depressing feel as natural sunlight could hardly leak into the building. Everywhere you'd look, you had to squint to get a better picture of it. Luckily, the crew eats their carrots when they get the chance.

Glass shattering and a pained groan could be heard from the dining room. Aziraphale, worried about their friends, bolted over there to see a Gabriel on the ground with a shattered vase next to his feet. Aziraphale assumed it was the floorboards that caused this accident. "Goddamn house has something to make you trip at every corner," Gabriel hissed through his teeth. 

"Are you alright there, old mate?" Aziraphale offered a helping hand. "I'm fine," Gabriel grabbed onto a wooden chair to help himself up, brushing the dust from his hand on his jacket. Aziraphale fell silent as they felt awkward for even assuming Gabriel would want their help. "House isn't that safe, that's all." He sat down, running a hand through his hair as he looked around the dining room.

"Could be a death trap. It isn't uncommon for pissed off ghosts to plan that to get people out of their house. Can't blame them, I'll give them that." Gabriel explained with a slight chuckle. Aziraphale hesitated to answer, beginning to fret and fidget with their hands. 

"You… You can't always expect ghosts in a spooky place." they stammered, their voice echoing in the hollow rooms. Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "For all I know, there could be ghosts in a more… um... _pleasant_ house?" Gabriel blinked before making a hearty laugh, slapping his hand against the table.

"My God, Aziraphale! I never thought you could be so picky!" He snorted, wiping a tear from his eye. Aziraphale made a sheepish chuckle back before they looked around the house anxiously, frowning and fidgeting even more. Michael found the two, holding a notepad in her hands. Gabriel gave her a curious eye, silently asking her to give them input.

"I could sense more ghosts than we expected," Her voice began to sound shaky and anxious. She cleared her throat to continue. "I think they're in the attic. It's the only locked door in the house." Gabriel looked like he was in deep thought, nodding and scratching his chin. Aziraphale looked at Gabriel nervously as Gabriel's face grew a slight smile.

"Then, we need to investigate! I knew that skeleton key would come in handy," He pulled out the key from his pocket. The key was black, it being slightly rusted and weathered down with time. Its head was a skull made out of some sort of metal, painted white and black. 

Aziraphale tried to walk out of the situation before Gabriel cleared his throat. They froze as they saw the familiar grins of Gabriel and Michael looking at them. They were faces they learned to fear. Gabriel placed his hands on his knees as if he was talking to some child.

"Hey champ, you mind doing us a favor?" Gabriel asked sickly sweet. Aziraphale made a heavy sigh as they grabbed the key from his hands, beginning to walk to the stairs to the attic. "Attaboy!" Gabriel clapped, laughing. Aziraphale took the forced fate of their job with a small grain of salt, whimpering. 

Being a ghosthunter wasn't always the land of milk and honey.


	2. Who's In the Attic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale isn't listened to and the Devices slowly begin to despise living in the attic 24/7. What will happen next?

**A** ziraphale felt uneasy as they slowly went up the stairs to the attic door, feeling the sweat emerging from their forehead. Their hand holding the key slightly shook as they looked back down at each step, noticing downstairs becoming a dark void. They looked at the door, gulping. They placed the key into the lock's hole, turning it slightly. 

They struggled for a few minutes as the key refused to unlock the door. They assumed it was the rusted lock or even the key itself. They kept trying, a determined principality they were. Eventually, they had to stop as something pushed the key out from the hole, making it fall downstairs to the ground with a tiny clunk. 

Aziraphale looked at the key and then the door. Now, they were suspicious. The fretting continued as they quickly knocked at the door. "Is anyone in there?" They asked in a polite Queen's English. No answer. "Oh," they perked up. "I'm not going to harm you, don't be frightened," they shook their head slightly. They truly meant their word.

Nobody answered. They looked through the small keyhole. Nothing but a dusty floor. One final knock? Nothing. Their breath hitched as they quickly went down the stairs, not noticing Gabriel walking towards their direction while reading a newspaper. They ran into each other, both of them falling to the ground and holding their heads in pain. 

"Gah!" Gabriel exclaimed, checking his hand to see if there was any blood on it. "Watch where you're going!" He scowled at Aziraphale. They quickly stood up, getting defensive. "I'm so sorry, but I-I was frightened! I tried to open the door and something just pushed it out of the keyhole! But nobody was there, goodness gracious!"

Gabriel shook his head angrily as he got up from the ground, picking up the key. "That's bullshit and you know it. If something pushed the key, why would you assume that no-" "Nobody was there, I checked! I am not lying!" Aziraphale interrupted abruptly, slightly raising their voice.

Gabriel's eyebrows raised at the sudden change of tone, making Aziraphale cower over his presence. "Fine," Gabriel raised his hands up. "I understand. You're just cranky, it's been a long drive, you're just tired,"

Aziraphale looked even more upset but before they could say another word, Gabriel continued, slightly crouching down to their height. "Michael's almost done with dinner. How about we get some grub into ya? I know how you get when you're hungry." He patted Aziraphale's stomach before he walked away in an annoyed manner.

Aziraphale pouted, their eyes furrowing. Why could nobody believe them? They were telling the truth! "Dinner's ready!" Michael called out from the kitchen. They walked to the dining room, sulking. "I'm coming…" they said with a heavy sigh.

  
  


In the attic, there was a husband and a wife doing their relaxing evening activities. The wife was at the desk, reading books of various subjects while her husband looked at the birds through the window, hearing their various songs and taking note of it. The attic seemed lonely and tiny but they seemed content… or at least for now.

The wife sighed as she closed one of the books, getting up from her chair to look at her husband. She was wearing a modest outfit of a dark blouse and a matching skirt. Her husband was wearing a flannel shirt and some jeans. She tapped his shoulder with a sigh, looking bored. He turned to face her for a few seconds.

"What's the matter dear? It's a lovely day," he looked concerned. "Lovely or not, I don't want to be in this house all day," She looked around the room, getting a little upset. Her husband slightly chuckled.

"Remember the last time you tried to get out? You-" "I know," she said, looking down at her still soaked shoes slightly covered in yellow sand. "I know what happened. Don't remind me."

"Quite the fighter you are!" Her husband pointed out. "It doesn't matter!" She got frustrated at him. "You just don't- forget it." She crossed her arms. Her husband took the hint, nodding as he looked back out the window.

She figured it was time to change subjects just to cool the tense atmosphere off.

"That was a very nice gentleman," She sighed.

"Who?"

"The man who tried to get in?" She looked at him

"Ah yes," He nodded. "Very polite."

"I feel bad for them," She looked at a dusty painting on the wall. "Did you hear that man talking to them? They probably don't get much respect.." She shook her head sympathetically.

"Yes, dear, that poor, poor man." Her partner noticed a crow eating some corpse on the grass, making him wince slightly in disgust. "I.. I just-" She sighed. Her husband told her to go on silently, holding her hand. "I just never thought it would happen. Why would something happen like this to be _us_ of all people?"

Her voice began to break. Her husband frowned.

Of course, it wasn't anyone's fault that day. No one could expect the deer that jolted right in front of the car, causing the tragic accident that happened at the bridge. "It was just based on circumstances, that's all," He often told his wife at night when she became teary eyed. "Nobody could predict it."

His wife wiped the emerging tears from her eyes. Her husband gave her a side hug, smiling. "We'll get through this. We always have. We always will, right?" She had to agree, smiling. She nodded her head. He gave her a kiss and the couple sat down on the sheet covered loveseat.

She leaned against her husband, sighing as she took her glasses off. "Hey," she sniffed the air, her husband looking at her curiously.

"You smell pot roast?"


	3. The Unhappy Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio is havng an unhappy dinner and the couple is losing all hope as there's no help up for them... or is there?

**D** inner was tense and quiet in the small dining room. Gabriel looked at the flickering light above the table as he opened a can of Diet Coke. Aziraphale sat in front of him, pushing the food around with their fork sadly. Michael knew it was concerning behavior for them as she looked at Gabriel. Gabriel sighed, putting the can down. 

"Listen," Aziraphale perked up. "Sorry for the joke. I know how self conscious you are and… I really don't care what size you are. It's your choice, y'know?" He told Aziraphale softly. The apology didn't feel so genuine as it sounded like Gabriel reading from a script, if anything. Oh well, it's the thought that counts.

Aziraphale stabbed a slightly undercooked potato with their fork, nibbling on it. "It's fine, I'm just not that peckish tonight." They shook their head. Michael looked concerned as she ate a carrot, glaring at Gabriel shrugging and beginning to eat his food, chewing on the tough meat. He cleared his throat, probably from the overseasoned food. "Good job, gang!" he grinned.

The two looked at Gabriel, uninterested. "We made a new record for sorting things into the house: An hour and fifteen minutes!" He announced, looking at the two. He was expecting applause. The two just continued eating and Gabriel angrily looked at his plate. He switched subjects. "When will the decorators be here, Michael?" He turned to Michael.

"Next week," Michael sipped on her glass of water. "I want to get the attic cleared out before then." Gabriel and Aziraphale nodded. The trio ate for a couple of minutes… well, Michael and Gabriel ate, at least. Aziraphale was still gloomy, hardly taking a bite out of their food. Gabriel made a pouty lip before slightly leaning towards them. "You'll have a nice room, bud!"

Aziraphale looked up at him. "Yeah," Gabriel nodded, ruffling their hair. "It'll even have a large bookshelf. For your… books and stuff." Aziraphale didn't look too please to hear the news. "I'd like to have my stuff in a clean, happy environment." They muttered. Michael agreed, clearing her throat. Gabriel furrowed his eyebrows. "So, everyone's unhappy. I get that!" 

The two looked at their leader, getting bored. Gabriel continued with his tired rant. "I am trying my goddamn best to make you two happy and this is what I get? This house will be something you will be proud of, you just have to work with me! Please cooperate with me, at least!" He ended the statement by smacking his hand on the table. 

Aziraphale slightly perked up, seeing Michael lie her head on the table. Gabriel sat down, leaning back in the creaky chair. Michael looked at Gabriel. "Maybe if we start redecorating faster, we'll all be happy, right?" He looked at his two companions. "Right," Michael sighed, Aziraphale pushing their plate to the side.

The couple in the attic paid attention to the conversation (You can't really blame them for eavesdropping, can you?). The wife began to fret, almost chewing on her nails as she looked at her husband. "Newt," She placed her hands on his shoulders, shaking him a bit. "They're going to destroy our house!"

"Redecorate it, dear." Newton corrected, quickly being interrupted. "Same difference, they're destroying our bloody hard work!" She breathed heavily as she got angry, Newton patting her back and tracing soothing circles on it. He gave a slight smile to try to reassure her.

"What are we going to do?!" His wife looked around their space. "They're going to get inside the attic and destroy everything!" Newton stood up, sighing as he adjusted his glasses. "No, they won't. It's locked, remember?"

"They have the key, Newton." She said bluntly.

"Ah, right," His voice got shaky. "Continue panicking."

She made a frustrated groan. Newton looked around to at least calm his wife down. "Check the manual, Ana. I'm sure there's an article for this situation." 

Anathema blinked. "Good idea!" She picked up a hardcover edition of _the Handbook for the Recently Deceased_ , flipping through the pages to look for answers. Newton looked over her shoulder nervously. "There's noth- Ah! Haunted houses, this should be useful!" 

Newton breezed through the article, shaking his head. "We aren't scary.. besides, that's rude, innit?" He shrugged. Anathema grabbed his shoulders again. "Damn it, Newt. Our house is at stake and you're worried about kindness!"

"I-I mean.. we should leave it to the professionals!" He stammered. "Call one for advice or maybe their services. Should be advertisements, yes?" Anathema thought about it, immediately looking in each and every page for some sort of advertisement. No luck. 

The couple looked like they lost all hope until they saw a slip of paper fall from the book.

Newton picked it up curiously, unfolding it as his wife looked at it quietly.


	4. A Demanded Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for us to meet the star of the show, much to the shock of our couple in the attic.

**N** ewton noticed the slip of paper was probably a business card since its texture felt like cardstock. He glanced at the glossy, eye-catching illustration. It was a large black snake with yellow eyes, flashing its sharp fangs as it strangled a house with its body, making its tiny patrons scramble away from the house. He raised an eyebrow at the card, becoming interested. Was it a possible omen?

He slowly began to read the card silently to himself, his wife looking over his shoulder curiously. He read the bold, red text. **Snakeoil** , it began. **The Bio-Exorcist**.

The Living giving you a headache? 

Death becoming a problem and not the solution. Unhappy with forced living adjustments? 

_Call Snakeoil._

The second line confused the couple as it just repeated 'Snakeoil!' three times. He flipped over the card for any type of contact information, not getting much luck. His wife gave an angry sigh, crossing her arms. 

"Even a godsend like this doesn't give us much luck." Newton shook his head, placing the card on top of a random stack of books. He sat down at the desk chair, running a hand through his hair. "Shame, that," Ana looked at him. "He could've helped us out." 

Ana slightly shook her head. "Even if he had some sort of useful information, we have no reviews. How do we even know he's trustworthy- could be a total skeezeball." Newton agreed with her suggestion.

They just sat there for a few minutes, wondering what to do until an old television set nestled in a dusty corner turned on, starting with loud static until it showed a scene. The scene was a set outside somewhere familiar, like a farm out in the country. Beautiful place, but that wasn't the point.

Wacky country music played in the background as the camera panned to a man sitting on top of a wooden fence, cows eating grass behind him. He wore a cowboy costume with a black hat and sunglasses. 

He spat out a piece of long straw to begin speaking to the camera. "Hi there!" He waved with a single hand, his voice as friendly as a Golden Retriever. "Having trouble with the living folk? Raising you hell when you're supposed to be resting in peace?" The couple nodded. "I get it,"

"That's why I'm here." He stood up to lean against the fence. "I'm your man. I have over 200 years of experience for your situation- now you can't get that anywhere else, I can tell ya," Newton leaned towards the TV, getting interested. Anathema didn't look impressed and she looked like she was going to ask her husband a question before the host interrupted. 

"I know what you're thinking: Why the hell should I trust this guy? Well…" The screen changed to various ghosts sharing their positive testimonies of this guy getting rid and preventing future humans from moving into their homes. That definitely convinced the naive couple to earn his trust. Yellow text covered the screen and slowly flashed a few times, saying "The results can't lie!"

The screen switched back to the host, who was now on the back of a brown cow. "Well, baby, you know what to do!" He pointed to the screen. "Just say it three times, it's underneath the cow," Underneath it had text that read 'Snakeoil'. And remember: If you're gonna get rid of 'em, do it with style!" The screen turned black and that was the end of that.

Anathema clapped her hands excitedly. Newton had to chuckle at his wife's happiness. "Go ahead, you have the honors." She stood up, holding his hand. "Snakeoil…" she began. Newton suddenly felt the air getting cold and still. She continued. "Snakeoil…"

Why was the room getting dark? Newton shivered with anxious anticipation, praying to himself that they weren't getting themselves into some serious trouble. He pulled her into a secure side hug, looking around.

"Snakeoil!" Everything was dead silent. Then, there was loud cheering and fireworks going off, making the couple yelp and fall back on the loveseat, shaking in fear. The lights flashed on and off and confetti from thin air created a mess everywhere.

Anathema covered her hands as she saw a big band appear in the room, playing crashing, upbeat music. "What did I just do?!" She looked at Newton, terrified. Newton was too worried looking at the large ring of fire growing in front of them, a figure slowly rising up to greet them.

The couple grew silent and so did the cheering. A drumroll started as the flames died down, revealing a man cracking his neck and getting into a large pose as if he was waiting for the spotlight. Everything went silent. A spotlight shined upon the figure, revealing a man smiling to himself. "What _did_ you do?" Newton stammered quietly.

The man wore a snazzy black and white pinstripe suit with grass and blood stains. His tie looked like bowling alley carpeting and his dress shoes were black with red accents. He wore sunglasses and a head covered with long, messy ginger hair. He flashed a sharp grin, making Anathema flinch and cover her face.

There was a large uproar of applause before the man raised a hand, silencing everything. He looked at the couple. Newton couldn't believe it. _This isn't the host,_ he thought. _This… thing is a threat! An intruder!_ The couple looked like a pair of frightened statues in his presence, and the guy wasn't doing anything yet.

The man cracked his knuckles and adjusted his glasses, clearing his throat. "Well, little duckies," he looked around the room in admiration. 

"Time to show me around the ranch."


	5. Uncertain Job Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple begins to wonder if the guy they hired is as good as he presented himself as.
> 
> (Small Note: Sorry for the long wait! I had a slight writer's block that took longer than I expected!)

**T** he couple managed to shriek as this man walked around the room and towards the attic door after a few minutes, as if he was immediately going to start his job on instinct. Anathema got out of her temporary frozen state to grab his arm to try and pull him away. The man looked at the petrified woman with a puzzled expression, raising his right eyebrow at her.

"Please don't do that," her voice was shaky and nervous. She usually was a tough cookie but she didn't want to piss this unpredictable stranger off. "We- I don't want you to go out there to hurt them." The man gave her a hint of a smile, slowly pulling her arm off. She quickly brushed the old dirt off of her person.

"Don't you worry, love. I don't necessarily have to kill them," he made a short grimace, winching in a somewhat playful way. "Is' too messy anyways. Ruins the suit." The couple frowned at the ghastly joke. The man adjusts his tie, slightly rolling his eyes. He continued. "I do need to have a tour of the place. Helps with planning." Newton shook his head.

"You can't just do that, we don't even know you!" He stuttered. The man sighed and nodded. ' _Nervous kids,_ ' he thought. ' _I have to get to know them a lil before I do the job._ ' The man sat down at the desk chair improperly, resting his head on his hand. "Awright, awright," The couple slightly perked up at the slight change of tone. "Ask away, chickadees."

"Who are you?" Newton asked away. He had about 50 questions in his head and goddamn it, this man had to answer at least half of them. The stranger slightly tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm Snakeoil." Newton furrowed his eyebrows. "So, you're the host on that television advert?" Snakeoil suddenly began to lose it, slapping his knee. "Goddamn it!"

The couple looked confused again. "Are you serious? You kids got confused over a fucking costume?" Snakeoil snorted, wiping his eyes. Anathema scowled at the hint of her husband being made fun of. "For being a professional, you sure are rude to your customers," she snapped, making Snakeoil get choked up. 

"Maybe we shouldn't hire you and kick you out instead!" Snakeoil got extremely nervous. "Hey, don't be like that! Work with me here!" He sputtered, making the couple go silent to listen to him. "Uh… ok, facts about me: my name is Snakeoil, I have a Bentley from the 1920s that I love dearly," he began counting on his fingers.

"I've seen Queen's portion from Live Aid at least 178 times and it keeps getting better every single time I see it- not to mention you're talking to a dead snake guy!" Anathema was picking up the slip of paper. He had to pick up the pace. "I attended Julliard in my prime years, is that qualified enough?" Anathema looked at her husband. He silently nodded. 

Snakeoil made a relieved sigh. "Ok, here's a question: are you scary?" Anathema raised an eyebrow. Snakeoil froze before his face deformed into a large black snake's head that made an unholy loud screech at them that made the entire room shake. Anathema screamed at the large yellow fangs snarling at her before Snakeoil returned to his normal, natural state. 

There was a tense, uncomfortable silence for seemingly a long time. Snakeoil smiled at the couple playfully, as if he showed them a party trick. "Well?" Newton made fists in order to control his shaking. "C-can you do anything else?" Anathema stuttered. 

Newton's eyes went wide as he answered her question, speaking with Snakeoil's voice, even mimicing his hand gestures and mannerisms. "That Snakeoil can sure throw his voice anywhere. We should really hire him, sweetie!" Newton cleared his voice as Snakeoil chuckled. Anathema looked worried and began to fidget.

"We would like to think about this." Newton said with a slight voice crack. Snakeoil raised his hands up, backing away to give them space. Newton turned to his wife. "We can't hire this guy," he whispered anxiously. "It's too dangerous." "He's our only hope, Newt. Plus, he has tons of experience." She explained.

"What if he hurts that man you talked about?" Anathema froze. She had a quick but terrified vision of Aziraphale running for their life, screaming bloody murder as a large black snake lunges towards them. She blinked, nodding quickly.

"Snakeoil, Snakeoil, Snakeoil!" She shouted, making Snakeoil freeze. He suddenly found himself in a black and white ink illustration in one of Anathema's open books about the local nature of the area. He looked around the empty forest scenery with detailed hatching before he stomped his foot. "You bunch of losers! Is this how you treat a professional?! I hope you get kicked out and get.. eaten by the sandworms!" 

The couple walked towards the desk and looked down at the tiny man pacing the page angrily. Newton gasped as Snakeoil kicked over a large shrub. "Nice fucking-" Anathema slammed the book shut. They could hear muffled shouting. She looked at her husband with a terrified expression.

What did they bring into their house?


	6. A Rough Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ghost hunting game finds out they're in deep shit while Aziraphale learns more about our ghostly couple. What will happen next?

**I** t would be an understatement to say that Aziraphale had a rough night. They could hardly sleep from the racket from upstairs. To make matters worse, every time they tried to investigate the attic, Gabriel would dramatically jump in front of them (which always made them jump like a frightened deer) and told them to go back to bed. This left Aziraphale in a confusing and tiring cycle throughout the night.

They woke up annoyed and sluggish, rolling out of bed. After putting on their cream colored bathrobe and matching rabbit slippers, they went outside to feel the cool autumn air as they went to go check the mail. They realized how inconvenient the mailbox's placement at the bottom of the steep hill the house rested on was.

They walked down cautiously and opened the empty mailbox, sighing. They heard the light chimes of bicycles coming towards the driveway. There were a small group of kids laughing to themselves before they saw Aziraphale. The leader stopped their fun abruptly, staring blankly at them. 

"You must be new here," the boy said, his peers nodding in agreement silently. Aziraphale gave a sheepish grin. "Yes, and who might you lot be?" The leader got off of his bike. "I'm Adam," he pointed to himself. 

"And that's Pepper, Brian and Wensleydale." He made a notion at everyone respectfully. Aziraphale gave a tiny wave at all of them. Pepper, the only girl in the group, kicked a small rock away from her bike. "We have a fifth member but he's at Adam's." She stated. 

Aziraphale got curious. "Oh? Are they sick?" Pepper made a face at them before shaking her head, slightly scowling. "No, he's a dog." Aziraphale felt a little stupid now. "Ah, yes, well…" Aziraphale scratched behind their neck.

"Did you know people lived in this house before you?" Brian looked behind their shoulder to take a good look at the house.

"Yes, I've heard of their unfortunate untimely end… whatever it was," Aziraphale nodded. "They aren't missing entirely now, you see. They're just ghosts now."

"Uhuh," Wensleydale nodded, perking up. "They drowned!" 

"That's sad." Aziraphale looked upset. Everyone just nodded in agreement, giving a short moment of awkward silence. Adam cleared his throat, rubbing his eyes. "Well, we have to get going. It was nice meeting you Mr…"

"Aziraphale." They smiled. "Yeah," Adam messed with his bicycle's bell. "We'll see you later. But, if you ever need us, just ask for the Them!" The kids waved goodbye before they rode away, laughing to themselves again. 

Aziraphale was very confused but he walked back to the house. _Oh well,_ they thought. _Breakfast is probably ready by now._

Gabriel was in the office, looking at the old church that was somewhat close to the house as he was taking yet another business phone call. He could see a stray black cat chewing on a dead bird, which made him make a disgusted face. 'Gabriel, are you even listening to me?!' the voice on the other line said angrily.

"O-Of course! Always-"

'Be quiet, Gabriel.' the voice snapped.

"Yes, ma'am." Gabriel slightly sighed, sitting down and running a nervous hand through his hair.

'Your business is wasting money! And with this move to this… horrible location, I'm really starting to think-'

"No, no! This all takes time, I promise your money is not going to waste, just give it a couple months, I promise!" Gabriel's voice became higher and more strained. He was usually a well-composed and calm man but this situation was extremely dire.

The voice paused for a few seconds. '...Fine. I'll give it a few weeks. Do not let me regret this.'

"Of course, ma'am. Have a g-" The voice hung up abruptly, leaving Gabriel stressed. He buried his face in his hands before Michael walked in, eating a toaster strudel. "What's wrong?" She asked, crouching down to his height.

"We're in deep shit." 

"Aren't we always?" Michael joked. "I'm not playing around. The boss called," Gabriel scowled at them, shutting her up quickly. "If we don't find a way to make money for the next few weeks, we are done for."

Michael sat there, thinking to herself. She snapped her fingers, making her companion perk up slightly. "You can call your friends into town for assistance… can ya think of anyone right now who's near us?"

Gabriel sat upright, scratching his chin in deep thought before he snatched Michael's waffle away from her hands with a huge grin. He took a small bite as he looked outside excitedly.

"Yes, I can!"


	7. What Can They See?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anathema hatches up a plan to handle their problem in their own regard, but it's unsure if it will actually work out or not...

**A** nathema decided to start off the day with a plan to scare off their visitors without the help of that Snakeoil character. She dragged Newton to Gabriel's office quietly. Gabriel was making several phone calls, not noticing a change around him. _Perfect,_ She thought.

"Newt, I'm gonna scare the fuck out of this guy!" Ana smirked at her husband in the background. He gave a supportive thumbs up at her with a slight smile, making her look around for something she could do. She made high pitched shrieks at him. It didn't work. It's like he was deaf. Shit.

She thought more drastic measures were needed. That's when she thought of ripping off a limb or two to add a shock factor. She was expecting maybe a flinch when she aggressively tore off her arm and threw it towards his head, blood pouring from the wound. But, nothing happened. In fact, it went right through him.

Newton noticed her frustration beginning to show through her face and clenched up fists and decided to help. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a kiss as if he was about to do something that would piss her off. She looked at him with a confused expression before he roughly ripped her head off, holding it by her long, brown hair.

Once again, Gabriel didn't notice… well, he sort of did. "Damn… it's chilly." He winced, getting up to turn up the nearest thermostat as Michael walked past the room and stopped in her tracks. Could this be an acknowledgement of the gore infested scene in front of her?

"Hey Gabe, look at that crow sitting on the windowsill outside!" she pointed, laughing. Gabriel looked at the fat fella grooming its feathers outside, chuckling as well. Anathema got furious. 

"Newton, this is not working out at all." 

"You're telling me," He placed her head back in its place, sighing as she grabbed his wrist and stormed out of the office. She slammed the door shut and that's when the two ethereals finally jumped from their places, wondering who the hell closed the door.

Ana sat down on the hallway floor. Newt gave a hint of a comforting smile before she let out a shaky, angry sigh. He decided it was best to break the silence. "Hey, it's not all that bad," She looked up at him, causing him to continue.

"We did get something out of them towards the end so it's not a complete waste, right?" She shook her head, scowling. "I don't think a chill is going to get them to move out any time soon." He shook his head with a sigh before hugging her gently, causing her to tear up in frustration.

The couple sat there to themselves in a melancholic silence for a while, coming to a slow, silent agreement that they'd try this another time… another day… probably another week or two. They didn't even notice Aziraphale running towards the office excitedly, having a slight spring in their step. 

Gabriel gathered a smile out of seeing the happy old soul. "Someone's happy to see me." he lightly teased. They nodded quickly. "Yes, I just got word about the couple who used to live at this house from the neighbors!" Gabriel's smile wavered, becoming uninterested. Aziraphale didn't notice this mood change, so they continued. 

"The couple apparently died by drowning!" They said brightly before clearing their throat. "Horrible… news, I know but it's interesting, right?" Gabriel looked at Michael, causing her to shrug. He walked towards them, putting a hand on their shoulder. "Sunshine, to be frank…" he gave a dramatic pause.

Aziraphale smiled in anticipation, their cheeks becoming rosey. Gabriel shared the smile back for a few seconds before continuing. "I don't care," he said as sweet as molasses and honey. "We have important matters." Aziraphale frowned, looking down at the ground.

"But…" 

Gabriel shushed them promptly. "Let's not worry about the ghosts so much now, I mean, we have a business to run, too… a business we might.. lose." Aziraphale looked confused. Michael shook her head. "Never mind that, Azi, just run along and do something else, huh?"

Aziraphale was about to say something else before Gabriel shushed them again, causing their eyebrows to furrow as they walked out the room and sat near the ghostly couple in the hallway. That's where they glanced at the lovebirds through their frustrated tears forming in their eyes. They could… see both of them clearly. 

And that's when they realized they had something that neither Gabriel nor Michael had in this house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long wait between chapters, it's been a long few weeks! I hope this chapter is a good enough apology for you all!


	8. Meet the House Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale meets the ghostly couple and begins to learn more about the predicament they got themselves into as they live in the house.
> 
>   
> (Aziraphale and Crowley/Snakeoil will meet soon, I promise!!)

**A** ziraphale blinked, clearing their throat as Anathema glanced back at the stranger and her loving husband a few times in confusion. For quite some time, all three sat on the ground, waiting for someone to eventually break the silence. Suddenly, Newton clapped his hands together, making both Azi and Ana perk up.

"Well… this is quite the predicament!" He announced with a nervous smile."

"Ah," Aziraphale nodded. "So it is." 

Anathema chuckled, taking off her glasses for a few seconds to wipe the lenses with the fabric of her skirt. "I just-" she paused for a few seconds to put her somewhat clean glasses back on. "Well, I find it funny that.."

"We can both see each other?" The ethereal and spirit asked in unison, making Azi get a chuckle out of the whole ordeal. Anathema cracked a smile, looking at Newton. He just shrugged contentedly.

"It is rather strange, yes!" Aziraphale shrugged. "It must've shocked you-"

"Well, yeah," Anathema interrupted, looking a little upset. "Everyone said that ghosts can't really be seen by anyone… the exception being-" 

"Wait a second," Azi interrupted, their eyebrows furrowing. "You're the couple that…?"

"Yes," Ana answered in an annoyed tone. "May I continue?"

"Oh yes, apologies." They looked rather embarrassed. They hated being rude to anyone, especially when it wasn't on purpose. Anathema blinked and continued her brief explanation.

"They- well, the manual if you're going to be technical, told us that most things don't see us ghosts. The only exception being those who are strange or unusual… whatever that means." She looked to the side as if she had to think about her own words. 

"I guess I fit that criteria, I'm a strange person." Aziraphale gave a sad smile. Newt shook his head, sighing. "You're not strange. You seem like a good guy compared to your buddies-" 

Aziraphale giggled at that, making Newton stop. "No, I'm strange, believe me, good sir." Azi waved that subtle compliment away. "I have different hobbies, interests, I'm just not like the rest of my kind."

The couple looked at them with a confused and shocked expression. Guess they weren't as human as they initially thought. Azi felt the growing tension, clearing their throat as they hurriedly looked through their mind to grab a subject to switch to. 

"Oh dear!" They perked up, wiping the nervous sweat from their eyebrows. "I'm being so rude, my name is Aziraphale." The couple blinked before smiling. "Nice to meet you, sir!" Newton chuckled.

"I'm Newton and that's my lovely wife Anathema." He looked at her, giving her a peck on the cheek. She let out a subtle blush and giggled at the attention. 

Azi smiled at all of them while making a happy hand flapping gesture, hardly containing their excitement. "It's always such a pleasure to meet new people!" Ana nodded happily in agreement.

"And such a lovely house you two have built up, I personally love it." Newt got a laugh out of that. "Now, you're just flattering us, good sir!"

The three all got a good laugh before Gabriel stormed out of his office, making Azi perk up along with the couple. 

Gabriel sighed, rubbing his temple before he crossed his arms to look at his partner, seeing they were just talking to… Well, nothing.

"Aziraphale, who the _fuck_ are you talking to?"


	9. An Addition to the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a short confrontation from Gabriel, Azi along with Michael get introduced to Bee who will supposedly help with their problems. Meanwhile, the couple realize something is extremely wrong and there's a big problem that's brewing in the house below their noses.

" **W** ell, I…" Azi began to fret as they looked at the couple who remained quiet before looking up at Gabriel. "I- The couple." They stammered, Gabriel raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What couple? There's nobody here but us!" He began to sound annoyed at Aziraphale. Azi fidgeted with their tartan bowtie, their eyes welling up with nervous tears. That made Gabriel soften just a little and sigh.

This was a slight reminder of their history of the ghosthunting business. He always would shake his head at Azi talking to thin air occasionally. Every confrontation always made them get upset and jumpy at every question thrown at them. He always liked to think in these random moments that they had imaginary friends, and that usually kept him from pursuing the conversation even further.

Azi placed their head down as they tried to hold in the tears. Gabriel crouched down to their height. "Hey… remember what I told you last time?" He asked gently. They sniffled, shaking their head. "But they're not… they're not." Azi's stammering was interrupted by Gabriel chuckling. He placed a somewhat comforting hand on their shoulder. "They are, right? They aren't real."

"They _are_ real," Azi sputtered, their throat getting all choked up as he looked at Gabriel's violet eyes. Gabriel's eyebrows began to furrow in frustration. "They aren't. Don't waste my time, now." he said with a stern tone, making the little principality squeak in response. Gabriel stood upright, going to his full height just for dramatic effect. 

"Get washed up for lunch. We aren't talking about this anymore."

"Yes, Gabriel." They said defeatedly as the archangel walked downstairs. Ana gave a comforting smile at Aziraphale. "Hey, it's alright. He doesn't necessarily have to believe you, right?" Azi shook their head, trying to wipe their reddened cheeks away. "He usually doesn't." Ana sat there quietly as Aziraphale walked away sadly. She looked at her husband, who looked concerned. He made a small shrug at her.

"It might be better for us to remain quiet anyway." he suggested. Ana had to agree with that. She slowly walked upstairs to the attic, Newt trailing behind her. Ana took a quiet glance at her desk and turned pale, shaking. Newt looked at her face and the desk a few times. "What's wrong?" She didn't respond. "Ana, please talk to me, what's wrong??"

"The…" Ana stammered, covering her mouth. "The..?" he urged gently, trying to hold her hands as an attempt to ground her. Ana locked her eyes at one particular spot at the desk. Something was missing. Something was wrong. _Extremely_ wrong. "The book is _missing!"_ she shrieked.

Newton starred at the spot the book they trapped Snakeoil used to be in. It vanished. He quickly began to look all over the attic space, pushing over boxes and the like. There were no leads. He whimpered as he sat down at a chair, his leg bouncing nervously as he tried to think of any place in the house that a book would be in. Ana chewed on her nails, sweat appearing on her forehead. 

"We need to find that fucking book," She said slowly, staring off into space. "That's… that's the plan, dear." Newt made a slight nod towards the suggestion. They both sat in a paralyzed state, wondering where to even start looking for a runaway snake in the house.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale sat at the dining room table. Michael made them simple Bologna sandwiches with American cheese, which wasn't one of Azi's personal favorites but they didn't feel like complaining at the moment. They bit into the cold sandwich, sighing. Gabriel looked at Michael, who was pouring out glasses of milk. She blinked a few times, rolling her eyes, making him sigh and shake his head before smiling at Azi.

"Guess who's coming today?" He leaned towards them in excitement. They swallowed, looking down at the dusty ground. "Tell me," they already looked done with the situation. "No…" Gabriel laughed, lifting up their head with one hand. "You have to guess!"

Aziraphale never made a more disappointed and angry face at Gabriel, causing his smile to fall. There was a long, tense pause between the both of them before he cleared his throat. "It's Bee. You know them." Azi rolled their eyes slightly, giving a smile at Michael who gave them a glass.

"Why are they coming here?" They turned back to Gabriel. "Well… they wanted to help us out… not only with business inquiries but decoration stuff as well!" He explained briefly. "Great," Azi sighed, rubbing their temple. "Now, the house will be more confusing than it already is…"

The statement got a chuckle out of Michael, but it made Gabriel get more pissed off than he already was, despite looking so calm. He was about to snap back before the door slammed open, causing the trio to perk up and turn their heads towards the person who walked into the house.

They wore a simple black jumper with matching trousers along with a warm orange scarf that slightly covered their reddened nose. Their blue eyes proved itself as an accent for their spiky, jet black hair that hardly covered their ears. They looked around the house. Gabriel ran towards them, holding their hand and walking them to the dining room.

"Everyone," Gabriel smiled at Mike and Azi. "You know Bee." Azi did nothing but give a bashful small wave with a blank face. Michael just walked out of the room with a slightly annoyed expression. Bee looked at the weathered down walls of the house. "This house needzzz work." They announced, pulling the scarf away from their mouth. Gabriel chuckled like an idiot. "That's why I called you."

Bee walked away to another room slowly with a little stomp in their step. "Follow me." they commanded softly, causing Gabriel to nod excitedly. "Coming!" he smiled before turning towards Azi, making his expression turn harsh and cold.

"You have three fucking minutes to think up an apology, mister." He snarled before he walked away. Azi looked terrified for a few seconds before they walked up to their room in a panic. They figured out over time that a good quick read after a situation like that proved to be extremely calming.

They ran their fingers through the stack of books in their small bookshelf, smiling at the familiar yet unique texture of each book. They appreciated every wrinkle and tear of each of the books' spines. Pure bliss and happiness for the principality.

They suddenly frowned as they felt something… new. Surely, they haven't gotten any new books from their trip. And they doubted Gabriel would be kind enough to get them anything this week.

They opened their eyes, glaring at the book's title. It was a book about… the local nature? They gasped as they picked up the book with an excited and confused expression. "I've never seen you before… mind if we take a look at you?" they asked softly.

They sat down at their bedside, not expecting an answer. The book stood still for a few seconds but as soon as Azi opened and breezed through the first few pages, it began to shake as if it was freezing. It felt like ice in their fingertips.

Azi yelped as they dropped the book to the floor, noticing the large hand emerging from near the middle of the book's pages, feeling the wooden floor. It looked like it was trying to get out. They froze, beginning to panic.

What the fuck did they do?


	10. Well, Finally!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale meets the unexpected visitor from the book. You wanted a slow burn and I, and still am, delivering!
> 
> Note: I'm trying to work on making this and the other chapters more descriptive and I hope it reads well for the most part! Thanks for the 200 hits guys, I really appreciate it!

**T** he hand continued to pull away from its informative cell, clawing at the floor with its dirty and chipped nails. Aziraphale was frozen into place as the hand generously gave the old wooden floor deep scratches and damage. Every attempt at moving towards the book to maybe push it away or put it back at the bookshelf ended in uncertainty, making the poor principality shake at this hand warding them away from its jerky movements.

They didn't even notice the couple barge into the room with relieved yet panicked eyes. They knew who owned that hand. They wouldn't allow it to hurt Aziraphale. "Get away from them!" Ana shrieked, kicking the book aggressively at the wall. The book let out a pained and frustrated groan and flipped her off, making Ana cross her arms and scowl. Azi looked puzzled at the both of them. "What's going on?"

Anal looked at her partner. Newt closed his eyes let out a shaky sigh putting a hand on his chest as if his still, dead heart was beating violently. "That book has something _disgusting_ in it!" she explained, giving it another rough kick for good measure. Azi blinked before smiling, picking up the book. The hand went back to its hiding place as they brushed off the cover and started to flip through the pages slowly. 

"Whatever that might be, it's also a guest…" The couple went silent at their odd hospitality. "No, son," Newt shook his head. "You don't understand-" "I don't," Azi gently interrupted as they ran their finger through the intricate illustrations of each page gently. "But, everything deserves kindness." 

Ana pinched her temple in frustration, letting out a furious sigh as Azi kept looking for their new visitor. There wasn't much leads and it just became as slow and frustrating as watching paint dry. After a few minutes, tense impatience grew in the air. The couple was starting to believe that Snakeoil went somewhere else. It wasn't improbable. Azi turned the next page.

Their eyebrows furrowed deeply into thought. Why the book was now... _blank?_ No text, no illustrations, not even the occasional stain that appeared in the book. It was literally nothing. The couple furrowed their eyebrows as the three of them look around the room like a deer in headlights, having a hunch it was some horrible omen. The room became silent.

What was going on? 

Azi jumped at the quiet, gentle sound of something running through the surface of the book's page like a writing utensil. They froze seeing the red color beginning to bleed through the pages. 

_Bleeding..._ Aziraphale said to themselves quietly before they realized it wasn't ink at all. Much too thick. Their eyes got wide as they got the horrible realization. 

It was someone's blood. 

The blood slowly began to form letters on the paper that turned into a basic sentence that simply read **'turn around'.** They began to shake, sweat appearing on their forehead. Ana glanced around the room before she gasped, shaking her husband's shoulder to get his attention. The couple felt like they couldn't move at all. 

A familiar snake sat on their bedside, his legs crossed like a polite gentleman. 

And he was licking blood away from his finger.

"Fuck me for being extra…" Snakeoil hissed with a face of sudden regret, causing Aziraphale to drop the book and just stare at him. Snakeoil looked up at the couple, grinning and holding his arms out like a relative asking for a hug at a family reunion. "Kids! So nice to see you again!" He said brightly. Ana stormed in front of him, giving him a very nasty glare "I thought we got rid of your ass for good!" She snarled.

"I missed you, too." He wasn't very phased by her threatening tone. His slightly turned his head to look at the angelic stranger, crossing his arms. Azi made a small sound of fear as he pushed Ana aside to walk towards them. "Oh? Who are you then?" Newt stood in front of them protectively.

"Stay away from them." He demanded shakily. Snakeoil pushed him away, a little bit more aggressively as he placed his hands on the shaking shoulders of the ethereal. Tears streamed down Azi's face as they got choked up. They were terrified. They couldn't _do_ anything about it. "Fuck…" they whimpered.

Before Snakeoil could say another word, he was interrupted by Ana throwing the book at the back of his head, making his face deform into a terrifying hybrid of a human and a snake. He turned his head to snarl at her. "Snakeoil, Snakeoil, Snakeoil!" She said quickly. That quickly dropped the tough guy routine.

"Oh, fuck you! You and your…. Plump friend!" He snarled before he just disappeared into thin air. The three looked around as Azi slowly dropped their guard, wiping the tears from their eyes. Ana looked ashamed as Newt kissed her cheek, sighing. She looked at Azi for a few seconds.

"Sorry about that, bud." She said sympathetically.


	11. Unsteady Dinner Reservations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beelzebub discovers something belonging to our ghostly couple in the attic and dinner is arranged. What will happen then? And what will happen now?
> 
> Small Note: Sorry for the long wait! Online school has been a pain in the ass! I hope you enjoy it regardless

" **I** t's fine," Aziraphale ran a shaking hand through their mousey white curls. "It's just… fine, I suppose." Ana frowned, clearing her throat. "Is there anything we can do fo-" Her question was interrupted by Gabe opening the door and looking at Azi. Azi blinked for a few seconds, their eyes drifting to a very annoyed Beelzebub behind him, looking at their nails. Luckily, Gabriel couldn't see the ghosts nor the threatening blood message on the wall but Beelzebub did glare at something in the room. Aziraphale was too afraid to ask what it was.

"Aziraphale, we need your help, bud." Gabriel made a friendly enough smile. "Is it about the attic door?" Aziraphale got a little excited. "So, you do believe that I saw the ghosts??" Gabriel chuckled before looking at Bee's deadpan expression, his face falling to get serious once again. "Well, one part of the question is true. The attic door needs to be opened." Aziraphale scowled. "Why can't you open the door? You're the owner of the house." Gabriel had to admit that was true. He looked around the room for a few seconds, rubbing his hands together.

"Because I'm scared shitless of creaky stairs... Just do as you're told." Gabriel demanded with a shaky tone.

Aziraphale used the key to open the attic door to reveal the dusty room. Luckily, the couple was downstairs so they wouldn't be much of a bother for anyone, at least for Aziraphale. Beelzebub pushed their way in first, immediately going through the books, furniture and the like. Gabriel and Aziraphale equally looked confused as they had to slightly climb up the shelves of a bookshelf to reach for the top.

"Do you need help, doll?" Gabriel piped up.

"I can manage," Beelzebub responded, getting a hold of a dusty old cardboard box with a faded sharpie label on its side. "And don't call me doll."

"Of course!" Gabriel looked like he was hurt with the sheepish smile on his face. Bee rolled their eyes and they opened the box, holding up a very weathered and damaged wedding dress covered with holes probably by attic mice. Aziraphale's eyes widened. _That must be Anathema's,_ they thought. _But, why would Bee need that?_

"Wedding clothes," Gabe pointed out. "That must be the couple's… that died a while ago." Beelzebub looked at him. "So, there'szz ghostz here. Hmmm…" they were in deep thought. Aziraphale began to get nervous. "I don't think the couple would appreciate us going through their things.. It seems disrespectful…" Gabe got a laugh out of that, wiping a tear from his eye. "Oh, haven't you heard Bee? Sunshine can talk to ghosts now!"

Beelzebub didn't find it funny. "I've done the zame a while back, remember? You didn't find it funny then." Gabriel's face went red. "Well, yeah, but…" His words quickly became nervous, flustered nothings. Azi got annoyed and they walked out of the room as the two had a short argument about ghosts and the like.

Like most situations like this, Aziraphale resorted to sitting next to the door and waited until someone walked out of the room. It was a while before they saw Beelzebub head out the door, Gabriel waving goodbye before looking at Aziraphale.

"Well?" Azi looked slightly interested. "Well," Gabriel mimiced. "We made plans on redecoration and things and… Beelzebub might bring their friends to dinner after the house is remade." Aziraphale sighed. "Why can't we keep the house as is?" Gabriel ruffled their hair. "Because it's not up to my standard. If the ghosts don't like it, they can just move somewhere else." He slightly chuckled. Aziraphale didn't find it very funny at all.

The day went by slowly, both for the current residents and for the past residents of the house. Newt kept flipping through the book as Anthema looked at the setting sun. She let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding, and yet again, she had those thoughts of what happened. The crash, what happened that forced them to stay in the house for eternity, the snake thing. She felt horrible and Newton could definitely feel it. He looked at his wife, frowning. 

"Those thoughts again, dear?" Ana nodded. "Yes and no," She looked at him, showing her eyes ready to burst of tears. "They don't deserve him. I mean, now I feel selfish." Newt slightly nodded, hugging her from behind. "We didn't know what was about to happen. I mean… we still don't know and we don't really have the power to stop whatever is happening and-" He stopped, his eyebrows furrowing. "What was my point?"

Ana let out a pained chuckle, sniffling. Newt's stupidity did make her smile in the toughest situations. "I guess it'll be fine. I don't think he'll bother them while they.. Reconstruct the house, I suppose." Newton nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. Maybe he won't be a bother anymore."

Ana nodded, closing her eyes. "Maybe he won't."


	12. The Arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As changes are being placed into the house, all the residents in the house, both dead and alive begin to plan for the week ahead.
> 
> Author's Note: Once again, so sorry for the long wait! I'm planning to churn out chapters a little faster so bare with me! Hope you all are doing well.

**T** he next week brought many drastic changes to the house. Construction began on an early Saturday morning, Aziraphale waking up to loud equipment combined with swears they have _never_ heard of before from both Gabe and Mike. When they walked downstairs to go check the mail, they looked at a very furious Mike yelling at one of the construction workers for ramming a wooden plank through the kitchen window by accident. _Jesus Christ…_ Aziraphale thought.

Sunday, of course, brought rest. Most of the house was finished, looking like a minimalist's dream with it's egg white exterior and somewhat cluttered design with its sharp edges at every corner. Gabe looked at Azi as he stood back in front of his property. Azi gave a wavering smile back. They weren't truly happy with the final appearance of the house.

Neither was the couple. Ana had to fight back tears as they took a tiny house tour, Newt giving her a comforting look. The interior of the house was changed with the antique, homey feel being scrapped for a modern, lifeless appearance. Ana sniffled as the couple walked back to the only unchanged room of the house: the attic. Newt walked into the room first, Ana falling into his arms and silently sobbing. "There, there.." He gently shushed her, making comforting circles on her back. "It's alright-"

"It's _not_ , Newton! They changed everything!" She sputtered out, sniffling. Newt jumped back a little. "I know dear, but… It's not too bad, right?" He said with a hint of hopelessness. Ana got silent, her eyebrows furrowing and her eyes becoming… cold. Newt looked nervous, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Dear…?" he asked softly. She muttered something quietly, looking at the ground.

"Pardon?" Newton looked even more nervous.

"I said… where's the book?" She repeated slowly.

"The what?" Newt didn't quite get what she was asking for. Ana rolled her eyes as she immediately began to dig through the stack of books at the desk. "The handbook we got at the beginning, Newton." She said sternly. Newt blinked, the lightbulb finally turning on.

"Oh…" He slowly nodded. "Wait, why do you need it?" He asked her as she finally found the book underneath some scrap paper, immediately flipping through the pages. "We've already breezed through the book _several-"_ Ana raised a hand to silence him, causing Newt to shut up and look mildly confused. "Look at this," She gently pulled him towards her, causing him to look at one particular page, his eyes going wide.

"Haunting." She made a malicious grin at him. He shook his head, covering his face. "We can't do that, dear, it's _extremely_ impolite." Ana shook her head, putting the book down. "Newton, sweetheart, _darling_ …" she held up his head, smiling as she gave a small peck at his nose. That made him blush immediately.

"We've tried being polite for days now, it's about time we kicked them out by force, hm?" She stared deeply into his eyes. Newt cleared his throat, slightly shaking his head again. "They can't see us, remember? We tried that before, it didn't-" Ana placed a finger on his lips, once again silencing him and leaving him slightly pissed and confused again.

"There's different types of haunting, don't you know." She smiled. Newt raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth hesitantly creating a hint of a smile. "Oh?" he said with a slight chuckle. Anathema grabbed the book, nodding. The couple silently read the book's chapter, giggling quietly amongst themselves.

As the day slowly shifted to the afternoon, there were plans brewing. Azi sat near the kitchen as Gabe laughed sheepishly at the phone for several minutes. Once the conversation was done, he looked at Azi and told them what the plan was for the week. A small dinner party was arranged for Tuesday with Bee and a few of their friends. Everything was set. Everything was arranged.

Everything was about to fall into place.


	13. A Whole New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new day breaks and the couple discovers a new place to help them with their plan of haunting.
> 
> (Author's Note: Hey guys, I'm so sorry for the wait! I took an unexpected hiatus due to school and loss of motivation throughout the holidays! School is still kicking my ass. I can't exactly promise that chapters will churn at a steady time rate.
> 
> I do hope this somewhat short chapter makes up for my absence! It's great to be back!)

**M** onday started like any other Monday: long and treacherous. Azi woke up and waved at the Them as they rode their bikes to school. The sun was beginning to shine through the clouds, the birds greeting its gentle warmth with various chirps and the like. It was a fairly decent day… for a Monday, of course.

As the principality walked downstairs wearing their usual robe to eat breakfast and the usual morning activities, the ghostly couple in the attic were feverishly writing down notes while studying the handbook like two college students cramming down for midterms. It was a blessing that ghosts didn't exactly need sleep.

"I think we have a solid plan, dear!" Newt said, holding up an amateurish blueprint of one of the many prototypes of the haunting Anathema planned. His wife glanced up to take a look, shaking her head. "Too corny," she said. "Bedsheets? _Really_?"

His eyebrows furrowed slightly defensively. "It's classic!" He started to preach, Ana scoffing in the background. "And it's not bedsheets, think of it as… er, um… _deathly shrouds_!" He said in a dramatically spooky voice, wiggling his fingers. That made Ana laugh and shake her head. Ah, at least he tried.

"It has to be original and… very shocking," she said, Newt nodding in agreement. "Something that'll make them scurry out of the house like rats." The couple paused to look at the rat who simply ran past them to crawl in one of the many crevices of the attic's walls. Newton sighed. "All of our ideas just aren't to par, then. We need additional help…" 

Ana gave him a Look. He cleared his throat. "Obviously not from _him_ , I meant… someone more professional." He clarified. "That's much better, love, but who else are we going to go to? There was no other person listed in the damn handbook besides the snake guy." Ana complained as she flopped on the loveseat. That gave Newton an idea.

He grabbed the book and flipped through many pages before gasping audibly as his index finger planted itself on a specific subtitle. Bingo. He dogtagged the page (as much as that pained him) and looked all over the attic until he found a small piece of chalk from the ground. Ana just stared at the man as he drew a door with a doorknob on the wall.

"The _Hell_ are you doing??" She asked slowly. Newt ignored her for a few seconds to look back at the page a few times. He knocked at the door three times slowly before he took a few steps back. The door remained there on the wall. Nothing. In fact, this door seemed entirely…

"Pointless!" Ana hissed, glaring slightly at Newton in annoyance. "Are you done drawing on the walls, Newton? We have people to scare away an-" Her nagging would have to wait. The drawing began to creak and groan as it slowly opened. The foundation crumbled slightly at the sides of the door as it opened to reveal a realm that poured green smoke into the attic.

The couple looked at each other. There was slight commotion from the other side, somewhat inviting the lovebirds to join them. Ana held Newton's hand as he took a deep breath and slowly walked into the new room, his wife following behind him silently. As they walked further into the new space, the smoke engulfed them and made them vanish in just a matter of a few steps.

There was a slight problem of all this, however.

They didn't even bother bringing the handbook with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, thank you so much for reading! Don't be afraid to write down in the comments if I made any mistakes or anything like that. I'm excited to write more chapters in the future!


End file.
